Sparkle. Shine. Music. Sweetness.
Laughter. Magic. Wonder.
Parties. Peace. Friends. Family.
Packages. Ribbon. Anticipation.
They say this is it, don’t they?
This is Christmas. This is the holiday season.
But what about… when it… isn’t?
What about when the sparkle can’t be found? What about when laughter stings? What of the moment when one realizes the music has ceased to play?
Pain. It comes like a fog and wraps itself around the soul.
Mourning what was. Wishing for what might have been. Wondering why… why…
The clock stops for no man. The calendar days march on. And hearts are trampled under the resounding drum beats.
Who sees the one, crouched in the corner, wiping the tears while the party goers dance on?
Does anybody see through the fog, hear past the music, to the heart crying for mercy?
He sees.
He sees.
Do you recall that baby? The one wrapped in none but dust-stained cloth?
Do you remember?
He grew.
He grew, that baby, into a man; God wrapped in mere human-skin.
He loved, He healed, He carried,
He died.
He hung, His back pressed against splintering wood,
and He thought of you.
He thought of your hurt.
He felt it.
He knew the cause. He knew the loss. He knew the weight.
He heaved His last breath
and He took it.
He took the pain. He took the load you carry.
He didn’t cause its existence to cease. He didn’t blot it out of history’s ledger.
But He pulled it to Himself, brought it upon His own shoulders and He wrapped you in a blanket of love. He took your hand and gave you strength from His own, a reason to walk.
He whispered, gently, convincingly, “Take my yoke upon you, dear one, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Your pain is real. It fills you and seeps from your pores. It sucks the life from your heart.
But that baby? The newborn Messiah, held close in His mother’s arms in on a cold night?
He is power. He is strength. He is comfort. He is love.
And He came to give it it to you.
Won’t you let Him hold you this year?
***
Last Tuesday my husband left my arms to finish his year-long tour of combat in Afghanistan. On Wednesday, my father came to my home for an unanticipated, unexpected visit, two years to the day since that rainy afternoon on which he told my brother and I that he chose her over our mother, over us, over our life as a family. I’m currently on the road, preparing to spend this celebratory Christmas week with my last living grandparent, my precious grandmother who is battling end-stage cancer.
Since beginning to pen these words, I’ve also heard the news of the tragic death of a friend’s precious toddler, and always held close is the thought of my sweet friend who has lost both her daughter and her grandmother in one year.
My heart is heavy.
Let’s hold each other close in prayer, shall we?
I send you love.











Sending you love, too, dear one and holding you close to my heart and prayers.
I love you and safe travels! Praying a little sparkle will wrap around you this Christmas…
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Dear Ashleigh,
God has gifted you with an amazing ability to put what others are feeling into words to draw them closer to Him ~ bless you!
Today is the 12th anniversary of my grandfather passing away. I am praying for my dear grandma who is all alone in a nursing home today…thinking of him…and drawing close to Him.
Joining you in prayer for all of those around us who are hurting and are in need of our Savior’s strength.
You are such a blessing to those around you…near and far!
Praying for your hubby until he returns…again.
Thank you for your words today,
Katie
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I just sat here and read your friends story and cried and cried. Bless their hearts. Am going home to hug my babies a little tighter and bolt everything to the wall.
Safe travels to you and your families. Praying God’s glory is shown this Christmas season.
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Oh my, dear friend. Praying for you this day… this week… praying you see His beauty…
sending love…
Carrie
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This is one of the most beautiful posts you’ve written. Thank you.
Love,
mama
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It is just like this sometimes “comes like a fog and wraps itself around the soul.” Those are sublime words. A heart captured in a crucible that reaches out to others in hopes to lessen their burden, is a heart that makes God smile. Ashleigh, Merry “through it all” Christmas to you and yours, near and far.
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I love this post. It isn’t always a joyous time at the holidays. I read your friend’s story the other day, when someone linked to it. So much tragedy. So sorry for all the loss and grieving going on for you and so many others. I personally know of many going through hard times this holiday season.
God Bless You!
Denise
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This post really touched me. Sometimes people forget that others struggle through the holidays. God Bless you.
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I hate the ache in your heart beat, friend.it’s bittersweet that pain seems to feel worse around the holidays. it’s like the years build up of pain rushes to the surface around Christmas. i am more thankful then ever that Jesus was born. maybe that’s why emotions run high around the holidays, our deep down knows we need a savior.
Love the way you write!
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Sis,
You are so freaking amazingsauce. This post was beautiful. I can’t wait to see you soon. I love you so much!
Zach
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Praying that you find inner peace and joy amongst the pain and struggles this season. God will give you strength!
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Sis,
Beeteedoubleyew, photo cred goes to me. and I’m pretty sure you just became 23.8% more amazing since my last comment.
I love you!
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Sending you hugs, prayers, and love, my dear Ashleigh! Hoping you and all THREE of your boys are hanging on to Him tight this year!!
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I was JUST thinking about this earlier today… about all of those who are struggling this season and full of pain… this is beautiful Ashleigh :)
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Ashleigh,
You have captured what I am going through right now. Your post made me cry. This is one of the hardest Christmas’s I have ever gone through. I love you sweetie. Have an amazingly great time with your family. I know it won’t be the same with out your sweetie, but he is with you in thought and in your heart. I love you both,
Kristi
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Absolutely poignant and beautiful Ashleigh. Thank you so much.
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Love you, my dear friend. Hugs and prayers and wishes for a Merry Christmas in spite of everything.
We need to talk sometime. After the holidays. I miss you.
Love,
Coley
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*hugs* dear one, so precious to Him who gave all for us, and so dear to us. May our God wrap you tightly in His loving arms this season.
This post was so beautiful. I pretty much felt like sobbing after reading it. He feels our pain…He carried it all.
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*hugs*
This made me cry.
I’m so glad we have Jesus in our lives. You and me and those around us! But so sad for those don’t too… =/
I wish your entire family could be together for Christmas. *hugs* and I wish things weren’t as they are for you…
What a surprise to have your father come see you.
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Aaaamen, sister. This has been one rough year, and I know of so many families (including our own) who are dealing with hurts. Our God is faithful. (Read the story of the toddler who passed away, and wept…)
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stunning….thnx for your words of love courage and wisdom!!
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Beautiful, true, precious words…
But the stories make me cry…
Praying for you and your mom and boys to have a very special Christmas with your grandma…
HUGSHUGS
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HUGS
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All of our living grows so heavy.
So weighted.
And yet for that One–we’d be surely overcome.
Thank you so much for putting into words the Christmas burden and answering Miracle.
I miss you and am thinking of you daily <3
Let me know if I can help with ANYTHING.
(or if you wanna stop by and run away into my house forever, AHEM)
–Cordie
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Ashleigh,
Tears filled my eyes and my heart weighed heavy as I read your heart felt words that I know came straight from your own heart. You are very right and I believe all of us including me think to much of our own happiness and our own family and forget about the hurting ones. Thank you for reminding me the true meaing of Christmas.
I am praying!!
Love you,
Ginger~
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Praying for you and your family!
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thank you. words given to my feelings. reassurance that i am not alone in a sea of pain. hope because of His presence.
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I loved this post. This was my second Christmas without my Mom and still a little painful. Such an appropriate post.
Blessings,
cyndi
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