I wake, and already we’re enemies.
Still under blankets, I snuggle two little people, their sleepy breathing lulling me back into their dreamworld.
Eyes closed, The List for the day running through my head.
I curse the list, the length of it, knowing there is likely more list than there is day.
And so it starts.
Me versus Time.
We eat, dress, play, clean.
There are dishes and laundry and smudgy fingerprints and toys.
All is interspersed with a bit of bickering, many hugs, bumped heads, sometimes some whining, and much teaching.
I catch glimpses of the clock as I carry a laundry basket. I stop to bend over The List with hands full of Hot Wheels.
They mock me.
Again, it’s
Me versus Time.
The story continues, one of two ways.
Overwhelmed. Realizing Time and his comrade, The List, will always win. Giving Up. Deciding it can all be completed… tomorrow.
And then… guilty while I “do nothing” the rest of the day.
Or.
I go crazy.
Doing. Doing. Doing.
Frenzied.
Fighting against The List. The Time.
Never stopping until all is completed. No time for slowing, for laughing, for book reading, for cuddling.
Either way, I always lose.
It’s no rest, or it’s guilty rest.
A wise friend of ours often says that one must plan relaxation. Otherwise it happens irresponsibly and guiltily or it doesn’t happen at all.
That’s me. Both ends of the spectrum.
(Especially after the past two months around here. I think it’ll take another month to actually. catch. up. A fact which is only breeding more exhaustion.)
So this week, after several days of frenzied Time-fighting, followed by collapsing on the couch in a heap of tuckered-out, overwhelmed self-condemnation, I made a point to plan some rest.
And today? I was able to actually tackle that list and still have time to chill.
I didn’t even feel guilty.
It wasn’t
Me versus Time.
It was
Me and Time.
~*~
Have you made time to rest?
Nice to meet you Ashleigh :) Found your link from Lisa Jo’s site…
Love this little post on rest. Currently this my husband and I’s theme during our first year of marriage, so yes, we are definitely making time to do REST!
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 8:52 am
During our first year of marriage, my husband often pointed out that under Old Testament law, new husbands weren’t even allowed to WORK in the first year of marriage. It was all rest and enjoying being married. So… :)
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Samantha R Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
I read a courtship/engagement story of a couple that planned to have that first year “off” as far as him going to work was concerned. Wow! I had never really heard of the concept before and then I discovered that it was indeed in the Bible/under OT law.
I think it was/is probably great for spending so much time together and really connecting and laying down a good foundation for the rest of their lives together.
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Oooo sooo glad you met Charissa – she is an American transplant to my beloved South Africa – go be friends with her right away!! You will LOVE her!
Oh and time and rest and your advice – yea, I need to take that!
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 8:58 am
Running, hurrying, scurrying. I lurve me some Americans in South Africa and South Africans in America. As you well know.
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Boy, am I right there with you! Whenever I take a few seconns to sit and rest, I am still thinking about what I “should be doing”. Awful!
Thank you for this reminder that I NEED to take the time and plan a little “rest” in my day! :)
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 9:03 am
I’m finding my work and play intermingle much better when I stop thinking it’s either/or. “I can’t rest or relax or do anything fun until EVERYTHING on my list is accomplished.” BLAH on that thinking. Cuz it’ll never all be done at once.
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Anna Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 11:08 am
I always think that too. And it’s not good with having kiddos around… because they need us to be able to stop. :-)
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I know exactly what you mean. Here’s a blog post I wrote last month in regards to resting. I hope it encourages you to do more “Resting”.
http://aplacefordarcy.blogspot.com/2010/05/day-of-rest.html
Hugs to You,
Darcy
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 9:03 am
Thanks for the link! :)
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rest.
yes.
one cannot give from an empty well.
rest.
allow His rain to drench while
you bask in His presence.
jAne
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 9:04 am
“one cannot give from an empty well.”
Yes, that.
I heart you. <3
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I so loved this. What a great post!
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I was listening to a sermon the other day and it was quoted – God didnt need to rest on the 7th day…. he did it to be an example to us that WE need to rest… we’ll never be like Him but we must try… and that includes resting… just like He did!
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Here’s the link… it was called sabbath rest…. amazing cd. I recommend it to everyone! :)
http://www.dareformore.org/cds/
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Thanks for the link–I’ll be checking it out!
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Jessica Bish Reply:
July 17th, 2010 at 4:45 am
The too blessed to be stressed is a good one too…. I guess it really wasnt a sermon… it was at a conference but when I was posting my first comment – mommy brain took over and I couldnt think of what I wanted to say!!!! :)
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I’m so there with you, girl. Especially after this week. Or rather, once this week finally gets done! ;)
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
REST, girl. You absolutely need some rest. <3
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What a great thought. I too struggle against time. I know I need time to rest but it often just happens. And I feel guilty about it. This is a great plan.
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Hi Ashleigh, I found you through Lisa-Jo. I think you’ve touched a nerve with this rest thing! :) I have my PhD exams in five weeks. I keep telling myself I’ll rest afterward, even though I know the only path to peace is through regular rest now, in the midst of it all. I’m going to try to copy your example and find a place, no matter how small, to take a breath. :)
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
It’s those tiny little coming-up-for-air moments that keep us going!
And, whew, five weeks to your PhD–congrats on all those hours of hard work!!
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Yes, the struggle with time. With only X days left till Dan leaves I have let the flowerbed get weedy, the house be a little dirty and have left the maze of toys on the floor often so that we could just have TIME together. Resting. Getting ready. Enjoying each other.
Love you Ash!
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Good for you. Wise woman! :)
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Oh my goodness. No one has EVER described my EXACT
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…got cut off, sorry…
my exact struggle so perfectly! Please write more on this… I am so tired of guilty rest and frantic List following.
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I have a bit more up my sleeve, because it really is an even deeper rooted issue. Perfectionism is a curse.
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T minus 3 hours before I have 10 houseguests for a week. I have a sick kid. And I have a couple last performance evaluations that *must* be sent into work today. Oh my.
I’m surveying my living room full of toys and clean laundry, my sticky kitchen floor, and dreading the work ahead.
I’ll take a deep breath and realize…they won’t remember if my house was totally clean…but they will remember if I was gracious or frazzled.
AND…six of them are kids. So it will be destroyed in the first day anyway.
Good job taking a breath.
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Your guests should be there by now–I hope you survived!
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Carrie Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
We have survived and eaten, even! It’s all good.
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I sooo needed this post ashleigh! I need permission 2 do nothing & I need permission not 2 feel guilt or shame. & I’m recovering from surgery no less. I need the rest. Maybe it’s the pain meds but I feel anxious, ansy, & restless! What the helicopter! I need 2 rest, relax, & sleep. Thnx 4 this! <3
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I think you’ve described every mother’s struggle! I find that I have to give myself structure, and I actually get more done when I have too much to do than when I have only a few things to do.
I was convicted this year about not taking a true Sabbath to rest, so now I try not to waste time during the week and plan all my chores so that I can REST with my family on Sunday.
Great post! I’m enjoying following you on Twitter. :)
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Ashleigh, this post is so relevant to my life! I’m either going 100 mph trying to clean, organize, get things done– and pushing off my little one’s needs…. or giving up and being guiltily lazy all day. Ah, for some balance. :-) Yes, I need to *schedule* work times and rest times! Also, I’ve been thinking how my lack of balanced scheduling isn’t a good example for my young kids. I’d like to set a pattern of getting our work done, while leaving time for each other, resting, and relaxing. Thanks for the encouragement!
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Ashleigh Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Ooh, YES about the example. Balance, balance…
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I could so sense you exhaling and saying “ahhhhhh” and falling back into an overstuffed sofa to relax.
You have had a couple of big months… you deserve some relaxation and rest times :)
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I can understand that feeling a bit. With planning our upcoming camping trip and trying to live normal lives (and working more than ever before!!), I have moments where I either want to panic or just give up. It can go either way several times through-out the day. I have to remember that by God’s grace, everything WILL get done and really, it’s not worth stressing out about in the long run. :)
So yeah, plan your relaxation!! And don’t feel guilty if you sit down for 2 or 20 minutes to just re-group.
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Hey I really loved this one..you have such a way with words thanks for sharing!
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Thank you for that reminder to take a deep breath ;o) and a moment to relax and unwind and to pay no biddance to that ever growing list! Ah! In the midst of packing (9 people going camping for over a week!) and everything that must be done beforehand…whew!
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Ashleigh, you don’t know how badly I needed that post. Not that I am saying I’m as busy as you because quite frankly I’m not. However, I allow the craziness to get in the way sometimes where I should just sit down for a second and stop worrying.
Thanks once again for being you and sharing your heart!
Ginger~
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You know what I love about this, Ashleigh? It reminded me of why I like the discipline of a To Do List. Because I put relaxation on there as well. I don’t always like cleaning my house on Mondays or changing the sheets on Tuesdays or doing the laundry on Wednesdays. But I love that I know once those big tasks are done, I can sit down and play with my kids without being nagged by my brain about all the things that aren’t done. “I’ll get to them. They are on the list.”
(That’s not to say I don’t understand this struggle, because I SO DO. But you also reminded me that a list can be a tool in the battle, not just an enemy.)
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