It’s been eight weeks today.
Eight weeks since my husband kissed us goodbye and boarded a white bus heading toward an Afghanistan-bound airplane.
The memory of having him home, here, with us, is more of a golden dream now than normal.
But after eight weeks, my littles and their mama are starting to settle in, realizing what this season is all about.
Deployment is wearing his dog tags openly and not minding the bewildered glances from strangers.
It means sleeping in his once-worn grey t-shirt for five nights in a row.
Deployment means sniffing deodorant. And aftershave. And bodywash.
It’s when the world stops for an international phone call.
It means being annoyed by every email that doesn’t bear a military address.
It’s little boys who can’t sleep and wake up calling for Daddy.
It’s days that melt together, one becoming the next.
It’s silent evenings.
It means burning the midnight oil to keep from climbing into bed alone.
It’s sleeping diagonally in an empty bed.
It’s when a small house feels like an estate.
It’s writing letters, filling boxes and addressing envelopes for crayon drawings on colored paper.
It’s discovering a peace that was never expected.
It’s not knowing how to talk about it.
It’s being afraid that admitting separation is difficult comes across as whining.
It’s a little boy’s prayer:
Jesus, please keep my daddy safe.
And don’t let him get hurt by the bad guys.
And I need him.
Please make him come home tomorrow or today.
And please make us not sad anymore…
It’s doing things once thought impossible.
It’s learning you’re stronger than you think.
What It Is… Part One can be found here.
I hate but embrace the part where life settles in and a routine becomes familiar after they leave.
I always sleep with the TV on in our room when he’s gone, something about extra noise and light keeps me sane enough to get a decent amount of sleep.
Hope the time passes quickly for you.
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~*(~*(~*( hug )*~)*~)*~
jAne
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Your little boy’s prayer just about break my heart…its such a big concept for their little minds to grasp. I read your blog often and have been praying for you. It wasn’t too long ago that I was also sniffing deoderant (actually, I do remember shamelessly buying the stick he used and rubbing it on the inside of his shirts to sleep with- because its the COMBO of deoderant and cologne that really smelled like my soldier), marking off calendar days and sleeping with every pillow we owned. I pray the weeks fly by until you are in your Marine’s arms once again!
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Hi Ashleigh, I sent John an e-mail and he responded yesterday, I think he must be a very nice guy.
No matter how much time passes, the wife’s reaction of the absent soldier never changes. While I was in Vietnam my wife slept with a pair of my dirty socks, can you believe that?????
These are tough times for you and John, you will get through it and your love will be stronger for it. We were married on Okinawa in 1968 and two weeks later I left for Vietnam. Here we are 43years later and still very much in love.
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What you do is so very hard. Admitting that separation is difficult and even needing to talk about it is NOT whining. That little boy prayer just breaks my heart. I can’t imagine being the Mama listening to it. You are strong. Very very strong. Even if/when you don’t feel like you are. Thank you for what your family does and I pray that John stays safe, that you and the boys find peace, and that this season of your life is full of blessings.
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Ashleigh, I sobbed when I read your Part I post. I sent it to my sister, and she and her soon-to-be-deployed soldier sobbed too. And now I cry as I read Part 2, and I’ll forward it to my sister as she enters day 4 of his Afghanistan deployment, as she listens to the same heart breaking prayers of her little girls.
Thank you for lending your beautiful words, giving voice to the hearts of mamas and wives, those who ache to the very core when duty calls.
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Ashleigh…for not knowing how to talk about it, you sure do move me with your words.
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My heart is full of love and prayers for you, gentle one. Blessings and grace. Thank you for sharing with us.
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It’s doing things once thought impossible.
It’s learning you’re stronger than you think.
Those two statements are so profound. And say so much about you and how amazing you are.
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You sum up military life quite well, my friend! So many struggles, but also so much of God’s grace and mercy and love to hold us through!
Praying for you!
love ya!
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*hugs*
Tears in my eyes…. praying for you! Hard to believe it’s already been 8 weeks but for you, I’m sure, it feels like a lifetime.
You’re strong even when you’re weak with Jesus by your side; may He continue to bring you peace and strength for each new day.
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I’ve got tears in my eyes, and I don’t even know you. Praying for you and your hubby and those sweet boys tonight, friend.
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Your words seem to come straight from my heart. We just hit week 4 of our first deployment and I know how you are feeling. We will pray for your family and your soldier as we continue to pray for ours as well.
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Yes, this is exactly what it is. Your description is perfect. It’s everything I do without even thinking about it. Thank you for your thoughts.
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There are season of life and then there are forced seasons of life. That is so hard. Hard on your dreams of family. Hard on your emotions of separation and togetherness. Hard all the way around. I am praying for all of that for you. Praying for extra strength everything.
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Ashleigh, I cannot even come close to imagining your life right now but I apprecaite that you are trying to help me understand. We think of you and the boys (and your hero overseas) often and pray for you guys.
Love you, dear bloggy friend.
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I’m thinking about you, and proud of how strong you are :)
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this post is absolutely heartbreaking and beautiful. Big hugs and even bigger prayers headed your way.
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happy mothers day ashleigh
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I continue to pray for you and your little ones, dear Ashleigh.
And, by the way, you never, ever, ever come across as whining. I’m inpsired by your courage and faith. Thank you for sharing a little bit of the amazingness Jesus is workng in your heart in happy days and not-so-happy days. Hang on in their, dear bloggie friend.
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Hi Ashleigh, I read YLCF and lurk on this blog fairly often as well. :) I’ll be praying for all of you — for your husband’s safety and for strength for you and your little boys. The Lord gave me a special place in my heart for soldiers/military families several years back, and I truly admire the sacrifices of you young military wives going through deployments. You are true heroes. Praying for you, sister!
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Oh, Ashleigh, you made me tear up…again. I so admire your strength (and your writing style too, by the way).
Thinking of you and your family,
Stephanie
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Your painfully honest words take me back to those days. And my heart just breaks for you and your ‘littles’.
Whining? Pfft. First of all, it’s not whining. Second of all, even if it were, you’d be allowed. Third? Your strength is an inspiration.
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You said it just right. I love you, brave Mama.
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My eyes swell up with tears as I read your posts! My heart remembers all too well, and I truly KNOW your pain and your strength! Please know that you and your family weigh on my mind on a near-daily basis! And prayers are going up on your behalf! (Oh, and I sniff deo, wear shirts, and fail to sleep while my soldier is away too! :) )
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Beautiful post, Ashleigh. It’s funny how I have been through deployments, worked with so many families in the midst of deployments and then been with friends as they’ve dealt w/yet another one and even still, I’m blown away when I read things like this. I truly am.
I am so thankful that you and your little guys are making this sacrifice. You are all in my prayers.
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Praying for you and your boys and sending a “thank you” from one military wife to another. I know it’s hard, I know it stinks. I hope sharing it here helps you get through, I sense lots of love and support for you and your family.
Sabrina
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I’m just breathing in the loveliness…love you so much
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This was a prayer that was given to me when Andy had gone overseas…
If ever there was a time for a prayer to be heard.
And now is the time, to hear every word.
Now that our boys called soldiers have gone,Please march with them and keep them strong.
Stand beside them if they have to fight,
And in the darkness be their light.
Don’t desert them, march in their faith,
So they’ll be here when the morning breaks.
Bring them home safe and sound,
Across the waters to peaceful ground.
Home to loved ones, mother’s wives, daughters, sons,Bless them all, each and every one.
They stand for freedom and make our flag true,These boys called soldiers for the red, white and blue.
A prayer for a soldier, please let it be heard,And please Lord, hear every word.
A prayer for a soldier, with the job to be done,Please bring them home, these soldiers your sons.
Please bring them home, the soldiers, your sons.
AMEN.
Big Hugs to you and your family.
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Dear Ashleigh,
I don’t even know you but your 2 posts had me sobbing. Thank you for the sacrifice your family is making, and thank you for giving me a better idea of how to pray for people I know in the same situation.
May God bless you and be your strength.
Liz
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