It’s easy to tell a person to look to God instead of looking at people when humans fail.
Easy, that is, until you have had your faith shaken, tested, and tried as a result of another’s wrongdoing.
I’ve walked through times of fire in my relatively short lifetime. I’ve suffered the grief of expected and unexpected family death, I’ve lost unborn children, I’ve watched my husband walk away into war more than once. But for me, none have compared to the shuddering of foundations following my father’s recent adultery, betrayal of my mother’s trust and rejection of his family.
Why?
Because, as an adult daughter, my father’s abandonment of everything he said he believed caused not only my faith to be tested, but also put into question my very sense of identity and philosophy of life. The former difficulties were life changing and painful, no doubt, but they ultimately served to solidify my faith in God, His strength and His sovereignty. The latter trial was the first with the dark potential to truly ship-wreck that faith.
I once knew a man, a family friend, who had walked away from the Lord. According to his family, he had attended church faithfully, seeming to walk with God. He’d sung in choirs, been active in service. I’d even heard he’d been an adult Sunday School teacher.
It was difficult for me to believe their descriptions of his past because by the time I met him, he was bitter, sad, lonely. His eyes were empty, his smile shallow.
They said it was because his wife had left him and taken his children. They said he was mad at God.
Once, I heard him say he couldn’t trust a God who could be so easily tossed aside. He said he was searching for evidence of God in at least one person who was genuine.
I frowned, my face full of worry and concern, and corrected him. We couldn’t view God that way; people’s failures aren’t always a reflection of Him.
Mere days ago, and years since my contact with this man, I sat on my couch, face resting in my palms, and whispered,“Please, Lord, show me Yourself. Show me that You’re real, and that everything isn’t a farce. Show me just one person who is truly genuine.”
And then I remembered the man, that family friend, and his disillusionment.
I’m not saying it’s right. I’m not saying it’s acceptable.
I’m just saying I understand how it happens.
It’s no surprise to any recent reader here that the past few weeks have been difficult in the wake of my Marine leaving for a year in Afghanistan.
The sleepless nights with our little boys, the loneliness, the ache of growing disconnection. Never easy.
But I have an confession.
For the first two weeks after my husband left, I didn’t read my Bible.
I only prayed at mealtimes and bedtime with the boys.
I was tired of relying on God. I wasn’t sure He was even paying attention to my hurting, and steeled myself against disappointment.
But here’s where Truth brought it all crashing down:
He’s never, ever stopped paying attention to my hurting.
He’s never, ever left me alone to struggle.
He’s never, ever deafened His ear to my cry.
And this time was no exception.
He was carrying me, whether or not I acknowledged Him. And it was His kindness and goodness that brought me back to my knees, to repentance.
He is still the same God He was when my family lost several members over only a few years’ time. He’s still the same God who comforted me when the doctor told me my second little one had gone from my womb into Jesus’ arms. He’s still the God who carried me through the days when my husband was in Iraq and I was living in a new town, mothering a small toddler and a newborn.
He’s still the God who has endured over the past year of my father’s scandal and tossing aside of everything he ever said he believed. He’s the God who has shown this wandering daughter of His only unconditional love, even as I have bathed in confusion and hurled anger at the sky.
He’s still God.
It took this first month of deployment for me to finally pull down the steely barriers caused by another’s sin and my own disillusionment. It required this storm for me to see God’s love, His simplicity, His grace. I’ve been brought to my knees, face to the ground, heart open and bare.
And if it’s going to take a year of my husband being at war, leaving me clinging only to Jesus, I’ll embrace it… but from this face down posture.
Because from here, other people’s failings aren’t so visible.
I can only see Jesus.
I am crawling nearer, nearer on my knees
Pleading, Jesus, Jesus, help me please,
I’m desperate for Your presence to be near to me
Blessed be the storm that drives me to my knees
How can I bless what causes me pain?
How can I rejoice as I am broken again?
How can I stand, when all is falling down?
Blessed be the storm that drives me to my knees
[audio:http://ashleighbaker.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Blessed-Be-the-Storm.mp3]
Just as my husband deployed, someone sent me the link to this song she’d written and recorded on a little hand held device. She simply said it had come from the depths of her heart during a recent crisis of faith and she wanted to pass it on to me as I faced another storm.
I’ve been known to put this song on repeat beside my bed as I fall asleep, and I still can’t listen without a lump in my throat.
Naomi can be reached here.










Ashleigh, tears came when I read this blog entry.. thank you for your painful honesty. I’m praying that Jesus continues to be enough for you. :)
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“Blessed be the storm that drives me to my knees.” Wow.
He’s taken me through a variety of storms too–great loss, separation, dreams we were certain we’re His too, shattered. And in that pain, the end result was usually to cling to Him, to grow to a deeper understanding of His love. But in the type of storm you described–the disillusionment, the disappointment with a person–one who might have at one point contributed to the very foundation of our faith. In THAT type of storm, my response was to go numb, to doubt, to indulge anger, to run.
But as you’ve written, He is there, always. Even when we run the wrong direction, He’s there waiting when we surrender, out of breath, to the fatigue.
If you can’t tell from my lengthy comment, I just loved this post.
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Amen.
God is so good. He is patient, loving and kind. He “gets” us as no one else can.
Hugs, Ashleigh.
Thanks for sharing from the heart!
Becky K.
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Wow. I totally get where you’re coming from. I understand where that gentleman you met was coming from too. It took me far too long to stop doubting and questioning (6 years). That was a long, exhausting road.
As I came out of that time, and saw Him again (I had been unwilling to see Him), I realized that my grief and the pain of living with what someone had done to me, wasn’t a reflection of Him or of His absence. It’s hard to get to that point. And sometimes, it’s tempting (because it’s easier) to slip back into that spot. I’m so thankful that He’s always faithful, whether people are or not.
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Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your heart in this post…it was what I needed today and the Lord knew it. Thank you for the reminder to keep my eyes on Jesus.
Praying for you.
Blessings!
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i understand. really.
(*(*(~ gentle embrace ~)*)*)
beautiful song – deep – right to the source.
jAne * tickleberry farm
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**humbled**
my heart is aching for you as you go through this difficult season. I ran into a scripture this morning that made me think of what you are saying in this post…
But the Lord is in His holy temple, let all earth be silent before Him (Hab 2:20)
No matter what, God is still God… thank you for the reminder today
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This must have been incredibly difficult to write. To share with us.
And yet I think most of us can identify (maybe?) a little with some of the things you have shared.
I know I’ve been through times where I thought my life was falling apart. I didn’t think healing would ever come. And yet, slowly, it has. Sometimes it is one step forward, and then two back.
But through all the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and anger, He is there. And He has always been.
I know I’ve lost sight of His goodness at times. I’ve questioned HIM so many times….
And I thank Him for bringing me back to Him. To the place where I can see that He is still God.
Praying for you and thinking of you!
Thank you for sharing with me today; it was just what I needed to encourage me to pull out of this “aimless” state I’m in.
And that song brought tears to my eyes as it did the first time I listened to it last month. Actually your entire post made me cry but the song really let them flow…
Love you.
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Wow, a very powerful, heartfelt post. Thanks for your realness and transparency!
I totally get what you are saying here. Not through the same trials, but through trials nonetheless… I needed this reminder today. Thank you.
*hug*
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I so appreciate your openness and honesty. I didn’t know you’d lost a baby. Me too.
Praying for you.
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I’m right there with you girl…..right there with you. It is times like this that the “realness” of your faith, belief, path…whatever, really comes out. I’m glad for the growth, but hate the lesson. Glad I can be honest though……it ain’t no picnic is it?
Many blessings to you and your family. You are a wonderful example cause your keep’n it real. :)
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I’m a total blog stalker making my first comment…. thank you for writing this.
My life is very different from yours but I felt such a jolt and a connection when I read what you wrote about not reading from the Bible during those 2 weeks. I have been mad at life lately and I realized I’ve been staying away from more meaningful prayer and scripture study as a result. I want my trials to bring me closer to Christ but I know I need to take a step towards Him for that to happen. You are right- He is always there! I need to be faithful. Thank you for your inspiring words. :)
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Beautiful, just beautiful. And something that I really needed to read this rainy morning.
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Ashleigh, my heart hurts for you. I can guess (a little eensy bit) how it feels, as my mom had an ‘emotional affair’ and was talking about leaving my dad.. right as my sister had our family’s first grandbaby and another sister was about to get married. The wedding was moved to Vegas at the last minute (no ‘fake family wedding’ for my sister!) and only my mom ended up being able to attend. Irony huh?! Anyway, the world changed for me, and although my parents are still together and seemingly happy, nothing for me will be the same – my innocence was somehow lost, even though I was in my 30′s. Jesus is becoming my everything, ALL else is shifting sand. Praying for healing for you and all your family!!
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..sorry, just one more (perhaps controversial?) thing ;) I once read of a couple who couldn’t pray or read the Bible for around a year after losing a child. However, they felt God’s comfort throughout.. as if He understood they needed time to grieve and work through their anger at Him. I struggled with being angry at God, pushing it down and thinking it was not right, I mean He’s so GOOD right?! How can I be mad? And He kept leading me to this verse, again and again: Psalm 38:9 ‘All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.’ I’m not saying you are mad at God, because I don’t know you. But I am betting there are a ton of Christians out there who are, and who stuff it down.. and I believe God wants our TRUE hearts, no matter what they look like. Let us hide NOTHING from Him who loves us best!
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*praying for you, dear Ashleigh*
thank you for writing in a way that brings ME closer to Him too.. For sharing.
åslaug abigail
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“He was carrying me, whether or not I acknowledged Him.”
Amen! I know that to be true from my horrible year in Ohio… I felt all alone and found out later that He was indeed carrying me through it, whether or not I acknowledged Him.
Big hugs to you, sweetie!
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Ashleigh,
I just wrote on your Mom’s blog and am now writing on yours. My family and I have been going through much of this same pain for the past year. I sent my oldest daughter who this has hit the hardest a link to your blog. I pray for your family and especially your Mom because I was married 34 years when this hit me out of the blue. I didn’t know such pain existed but I have also seen a great many works of God in my life through it all. The thing is they were not the kind of works I thought would happen(if that makes any sense). Anyway, you guys are in my heart and prayers.
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::hug::
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Wow…what an incredible post. I LOVE your honesty and transparency.
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I can’t say that any of my trials have been anything near what you’re experiencing, but I completely understand the waking up and realizing that God carries us even when we don’t acknowledge Him. I’m praying for you guys that this year will speed by quickly!
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I was reading your sweet mom’s blog…and came here…I know the depths of your writing…and the song just touched a chord …..oh how I know that Romans 8:28 applies…but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it….you are right…nothing matters but Jesus….I have been struggling so much…..thank you for your honesty….
Deby
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Yes, I know that “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” is the first line of the Messianic Psalm and so his hearers obviously understood. (Thus they wonder about Elijah.)
Nevertheless, there is also that sense that Christ entered our most forsaken, our most abandoned place. And in entering it, healed it. For when we stand in that place, God is truly with us.
My history, even the shadows and tidbits I share when I post and write comments, is … complicated. Probably more so than most people. But there is nothing that God is not in the business of healing and making new.
Grace and peace.
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I can only imagine how terrible hard this must be! :(
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Oh Ashleigh…if only everyone could be as real and genuine and honest as you…
Thank you for your sincere posts about your struggles and your faith.
Praying for your dear hubby’s safety; praying for you and your dear kiddos.
I feel I don’t have any words to say to help in the slightest, but I will go to the One who will help you…who you have so amazingly and faithfully shown us all.
Thank you for your love of our great Lord. Thank you for being real. Thank you for your family’s sacrifice.
I know the heartache of deployments and wiping little ones’ tears and trying to answer their questions and reassure them…and so I know that you need someone to wipe your tears and reassure you and answer your questions as well.
Praying the Lord will be your strength, the glue of your marriage across all those miles, the peace and rest and assurance and comfort…
As a sister-in-Christ and a fellow military spouse and mama….I’m praying…
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i, too, have been walking this painful road. your words about the disillusionment resonate with me. it’s what i’ve been trying to describe to those supporting me through my trial. i have called it The Gap. to me, it is the space between the “right” answers we all know (and do believe, i’m not saying we don’t) and the reality of an awful situation. to me, The Gap explains why people lose their faith, turn from God. i have stood on the brink of The Gap and looked into it’s depths. i then realized that The Gap is really a question within my heart: if He answers with “no”, will i still believe? will i still trust? will i accept His will if it’s not what my heart longs for? will i put what i desperately love on the altar to burn? will i choose Him above all else? oh, the pain!
but when i told Him “yes, i will”…oh, what freedom and release! while i still have pain over the situation in my life, the core issue of humility is settled with my Jesus and i desire Him more than anything. you are right, it is in the crawling nearer that we are healed.
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Ashleigh, I love so much reading your heart being poured out onto your blog! Praise the Lord for bringing you to your knees and your turning to heaven and not anywhere else! What a blessing and encouragement it is to me! :) I still claim that the year I spent home alone as Ron went on deployment was the best thing that happened to me! I drew ever so close to our wonderful Lord and He made Himself so real to me! Still praying for you my dear! Thank you for sharing your heart!!!! Love you, Janelle
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Ashleigh, I don’t comment often but I have been following you for at least a year or two now. I am always extremely encouraged by your honesty in sharing your struggles and drawing closer and closer to Christ. I haven’t been through as many hard things in my life as you have, but I know what it is to be tired of relying on God. About a year and a half ago, I went through a major struggle in my life. I had always thought that I was strong enough to get through those times, that my faith was solid. But honestly, when that tragedy struck, I completely stopped seeking God. For 3 weeks I didn’t pray, I didn’t read my Bible. All I wanted to do was crawl under my covers and never come out. I kept thinking, “I have so many people praying for me, I don’t need to pray.” But God drew me back to Him, and during that time I fell so in love with Him. I have so, so far to go in my walk with Christ. Your post has encouraged me so, so much. I’m praying for you, dear sister in Christ!
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Wow, girl. You are full of courage. I’ve only been reading for about a month, so this is new to me. More prayers for you, from me.
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Praying His presence continues to FILL you and give you peace and JOY, Ashleigh.
Love & hugs to you. I think of you often and pray for you & your family.
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Praying for you, my dear friend. I love the song… I’m studying the Psalms of Ascent in a bible study at church right now, and your post made me think of the ones we’ve read so far (Ps. 120-124).
How God is an ever-present help…
How He comes to our rescue in all sorts of ways…
How He is enthroned, sovereign, and mighty to save…
Things we’ve all read and heard a thousand times, but made personal and true when we’re in the midst of storms. I love you, dearest!! Hugs!
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This is a beautiful telling of your journey, Ashleigh. It’s a picture of real, hard-won faith.
I had a revelation when I was coming out of my own fire a few years ago. It was: Either I can cling to God and grow through this. Or all this pain, all these tears, all this yuck is completely wasted.
And oh my word. I didn’t want to waste a molecule of that agony. I didn’t ask for it, but now that I was swimming in it, I wasn’t going to waste it either.
Love you, friend. (Is that possible over the Internet?)
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Love you so much…these are very very hard things.
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