PrepCollage

I haven’t posted in a week, not because John has already left, but because I haven’t had internet connection for my laptop.

That, and the fact that there are only so many ways to say, no, he hasn’t left yet.

The military is well known for its “hurry up and wait” procedures. This Afghanistan trip is, of course, no exception.

Deployment Day has been changed a time or ten (not really, but I enjoy exaggeration). We think we have a definite day. I’m unable to share the exact date, but it is soon.

Single digits—smaller than the ages of either of my sons—kind of soon.

People who love us keep asking how we’re doing in these anticipation days.

“We’re doing okay,” we reply. “We’re hanging in there.”

(And by doing okay, I mean that denial is my friend.)

We have been doing okay. We’ve been living—trying to live, at least—as if everything is normal. We know we’ll make it through the goodbye, because we made it through last time. We have a God who has carried us through this in times past, and we’re trusting him to do it again.

But it’s still hard.

I’ve known the denial would crumble as the days, hours grow closer. Last night brought that crashing point.

I’d like to talk about where I’m at right now, knowing my husband and my little boys’ daddy is about to head to war. I’d like to reach deep and find relief through crafting sentences. But sometimes the difficulty itself is just too deep, too multifaceted, too raw, too muddled in my own heart  to even write about. Eloquence is impossible and words fail. So I’m not even trying.

(You don’t mind, do you?)

Until we reach The Day, we’re hanging out in a little beach cottage on our Marine Corps base in California, we’re spending time with friends, we’re playing in the sand, we’re taking pictures…

…and we’re just waiting.

~~~

Two things, briefly:

  • Here’s a great video of John and Chad Markley covering Revelation Song, recorded a couple nights ago at Chad and Sarah’s house. Perhaps the video will give you at least a tiny glimmer of the sheer awesomeness that was the night.

Clearly, this is not exactly a proper blog.

But the winner is Mab, which makes me rather giddy, because she said her soldier has been deployed for nearly a year, but that they’re expecting a baby in a few months, thanks to the two weeks he was able to come home. Is there anything sweeter than an R&R baby? I’ll be emailing Mab and getting those books out to her and her precious family.

And to the rest of you…

Thank you all so much for your support during these pre-deployment days. I hope to be able to put my appreciation into words at some point, but I’m just too overwhelmed right now by your outpouring of love.

Seriously.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou

I really love you people.

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