I keep re-reading the thoughts and comments and resulting emails from the Lost Innocence post.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the ability to be honest and share my journey in this space. I know there are people who think I’ve jumped ship or that I’m abandoning all and, even, abandoning God.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Again, an untested faith isn’t much of a faith at all. It’s simply believing something, without experiencing it firsthand. Remember God’s gold refining analogy? Fire brings forth beauty.
God is taking me back (forward?) to the beginning, showing me Himself in ways I’ve never understood before. It’s breathtaking. It’s beautiful. It’s painful. It can be exhausting. It’s always so much easier to have the answers handed out on a silver platter than to have to go cook it up for yourself.
But I can tell you this:
I’ve never known my Jesus like I know Him now. I’ve never been as close to Him as I am today.
Even if only a few people stick around here while I sort out the questions swirling through my consciousness (I’ve had more than a couple recent unsubscribers!), that’s okay. I believe in the power of story and the fact that God uses our journeys to encourage and challenge each other. Your stories–about loving the Lord, about disillusionment, about divorce, about leaving legalism or forms of it, about finding Jesus in the midst of it all, often shared through comments and numerous emails–remind me that I’m not alone. And that God does call us into a simple, wholehearted relationship with Himself.
I know I’m not always right. I may take a wrong turn here or there. I will certainly make mistakes. But you can be assured that here, in this space, you will find honesty and transparency. And a girl who is seeking Jesus–He who is the Truth.
My sweet blog friend Katie left a comment on the Innocence post, and then came back a day later to share another thought. I wanted to be sure everyone saw it, because she managed to say in a few sentences what I couldn’t seem to make clear with 800 words.
Perhaps the faith we have as children is innocent and naive, and we lose that innocence as we grow.
Getting BACK to that childlike faith isn’t necessarily a return to innocence, or a “going back” – but a wisdom that moves beyond what people tell us – and takes us back to what God tells us.
So maybe it’s not so much a going back as it is coming full circle.
YES. What she said.
Now for some good linkage:
- Anne Jackson on the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. I needed to read this for, well, obvious reasons.
- Billy Coffey on writing–the discipline and definition. Loved, loved this post.
A tidbit:
A writer doesn’t become a writer by getting a steady stream of comments or a high-profile agent or a higher-profile publisher.
A writer becomes a writer by writing.
Someone else basically said the same thing to me last summer and it kinda sorta changed the way I think about… well, writing, obviously. But, truth be told, it challenged my thinking a lot of other things as well.
- Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary inspired me this week. And made me cry. And made me pray. You’ll see why.
- My dear and beloved friend Gretchen (who often puts up with my jaded ramblings and figuring out of The Crazy) posted an excellent review of Josh Harris’ new book Dug Down Deep. She actually posted two, one at YLCF and one on her own blog–but it’s the latter that really hit home with me. Especially the quotes about “holding our beliefs with charity and kindness” and the reminder of the incredible necessity to figure out what we believe about God. I’m picking up a copy of this book ASAP. Go read the review.
That’s all I got, folks!
Except for this: On Monday I’ll have the update on the boots situation. And I’ll be in need of some help.
And this: We are kinda crazy people around here. Especially on Day 5 of the SoCal torrential downpour. For example, THIS.
Now really, that’s all I got.
Ashleigh,
I’m always amazed at how the Lord brings answers my way at the right time.
I was just talking with my husband tonight about this very subject – forgiveness.
I’ve been thinking about a relationship that I had a while back that ended badly. I have forgiven but there’s no reconciliation. I’m not even sure if there ever can be, either, because of the circumstances surrounding the situation. I hope that maybe one day there can be. However, I finally understand what I have been struggling with – it’s the reconciliation part and not the forgiveness part.
Thanks for the link!
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I love what your friend, Katie said! it hits home for me too. As I realize that the kind of faith and relationship I have with God is so different from what it used to be. And I have struggled to find just exactly what it is, after stripping away the excess and getting down the simple communion with the Lord.
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I read Gretchen’s review on both the sites and it looks like a great book worthwhile to read! :)
Thanks for sharing the links; good ones there.
Looks like you’re getting the rain but we’re getting the SNOW! =D
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I love reading your posts :) Remember Much-Afraid when she had to take that detour through the desert? “Sorrow and Suffering begin to lead Much-Afraid down instead of up, and when she calls on the Shepherd, he tells her only that she must trust his word. She concedes to go down into the desert with him, and the Shepherd shows her the process by which grain is refined: it is beaten and bruised over and over until it is fine enough to bake the best bread. In the desert, she finds a flower called Acceptance-with-Joy and decides to accept her Lord’s will and work for his purposes.” I LOVE your transparency in all this and your LOVE for the Lord even with such companions as Sorrow and Suffering. I love you, my sweet friend
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Loved your “innocence” post, as well as what you said about it here.
SO MUCH can easily get off-focus in Christianity! Our family was part of a ultra conservative Baptist church for my teen years. How long the dress, flat shoes, long hair, no job outside home, blah blah blah.
Now that we are far removed from that church, I look and think…how are they furthering the cause of Christ when they are pushing so many people away by their judgmental attitudes/actions? It came to a point where my sister and I went to my aunt’s church for a scrapbook night and the pastor’s wife had done a short devotion. It was about how much God loves you. Sounds simple, right? Who doesn’t know the song ‘Jesus Loves Me’?
My sister and I sat there, stunned. As we drove home her words were sinking further and further in. By the time we got home, my sister and I went straight to my mom with tears streaming down our faces saying, “God LOVES US. He really loves us!”
All this doing “right” had put such a veil over our eyes that we could even see what Jesus is about anymore.
KEEP GOING, ASHLEIGH! Let the unsubscribers unsubscribe! How WONDERFUL that God is showing Himself fresh to you again. Grab hold and never let go!
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Ashleigh,
I also loved your Innocence post! I went through about the same thing a year ago…know that when you finally get through this your faith will be stronger than ever (at least that’s how it was for me). I truly appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness…too many Christians these days are so concerned with looking like we have everything together. So…thank you for being you, Ashleigh (as cheesy as that sounds lol)! You’re truly refreshing.
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Let them unsubscribe. I think you are on a beautiful journey and I’m glad you are sharing it with us. Have you read any John Eldredge? He talks a lot about “story” and about how God longs to have a true intimate relationship with us. I’ve loved his books. Can’t wait to hear more about the boots!
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I won’t be leaving!! I’m here! You make me think,ponder,search,think…think..think it’s almost like your blog or really you yourself opens up in a way that I feel like I am in the same room with you hearing you open up your heart.
Also…this right here I very much needed…It’s funny I wrote something about that on my blog tonight and I needed to hear that.
A writer doesn’t become a writer by getting a steady stream of comments or a high-profile agent or a higher-profile publisher.A writer becomes a writer by writing.
Also, I so want to read that book. I didn’t know he wrote a new book I am going to check out the review!
Praying for you!
Ginger~
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*Hug!*
I’ve been reading your blog for a lo-o-ong time and I haven’t read a word in any of your posts in the last year that have made me think for a moment that you’re “jumping ship” and abandoning your faith in God. You’re more honest about your questions than I think I could be in a public place (maybe that’s the English thing?!? :) ), but you’re not just honest about your questions, you’re honest about your faith. Your Jesus. OUR Jesus. I think times of questioning come to us all – often provoked by pain and suffering. I’ve been there, done that and I know – oh, so well! – that times of questions can be the most painful of times, but also the most wonderful of times. My deepest time of questioning thus far led me into a depth of relationship with my Jesus that I didn’t know was possible. But it is possible. And wonderful. And it keeps getting better. As, I pray and believe with all my heart, your relationship with your Jesus will. Hang on in there and know that a bunch of us are hanging in there with you – questions and all! :)
Anyway … that’s just a long way of saying that I’m sticking around – although I get your posts via email, which is handier for me these days! :)
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Thank you for your honesty, Ash. I can’t imagine people unsubscribing . . . but I guess to each his own?
I love you so very much my friend. I look forward to seeing what God will do in your life and what He’ll teach you in the coming months and years. I’m with Judith: quesioning is good, even healthy. But as you say, it’s hard and painful, too.
Prayers and hugs and love, dearest. :)
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nice post. thanks.
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