I thought I must be a looney toon, but I guess I’m not–as much, at least.
Last night at church my friend M, whose husband left in August for the Sandy Spot, was telling me the wonderful news that no matter how long he’s gone, the I-miss-you-a-million-oodles feeling never gets any better.
I was thrilled.
Or, you know, not.
Not that I wanted to stop missing him at all, but I’d kinda hoped the ache would… I dunno… be soothed a little. But, M says, nope.
So anyway.
We stood by the nursery, holding our babies, talking about life with husbands on the other side of the globe. And the fact that we are both doing the same crazy things as the wives back at home.
Not changing his pillow case–CHECK.
Using his bodywash in the shower–CHECK.
Putting off going to bed because it’s too hard to fall asleep alone–CHECK.
Sleeping sprawled out, diagonal across the bed–CHECK.
Hugging his clothes in the closet–CHECK.
But the best one of all?
Standing in the bathroom, eyes welling up, with his deodorant stick stuck to our noses.
We decided it must be that we spend a lot of time with their arms around us… which would put our heads… right in their armpits.
Oh, the romance!
Interested in hearing another observation I’ve made this week? I’ll tell you anyway.
Junk food is no fun when eaten alone.
Since Troy went to my parents’ for a couple days, I’m just here with twelve-week-old Mr. Easy-Going, and we’re not sure either of us likes so much quiet. But to pass the time, I’m hanging out, watching TV, crocheting and blog-hopping to my heart’s content while he sleeps, plays on his activity mat and nurses now and then.
But I’ve been thinking I really should eat some good junk food. Because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do on these kind of weekends?
Get some fast food. Eat bowl-fulls of Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream. Drink a 2-Liter of diet Coke. Go through a bag of Chex Mix–both the regular as well as the chocolate peanut butter variety. Finish the big bag of peanut M&M’s.
But it’s definitely not much fun to pile on the pounds all by my wee little lonesome.
Not that I’m not going ahead with a little indulging anyway–though definitely not in nearly the same quantities I would if I had someone to chow down with me–it’s just not nearly as much fun.
I’m thinking perhaps that’s a very good thing. It’ll probably be the saving of my resolution to lose BLANK number of pounds while John is gone.
Goodbye, fun junk food eating.
Hello, armpit-scent-reminiscing.
For starters I must say that I have never sniffed his deoderant before, but that’s a good one. I may have to try it. I tend to find myself wearing his T-shirts or basketball shorts around the house, being a bum. What I do have, however, is something he bought for me when he went to the Staff Acadamey at Pendleton. A huge, soft & squishy brown bear, so I could have something to sleep with since he wouldn’t be there. Since then I have used it for anytime he hasn’t been able to be at home to sleep (like for duty, and now his training).
Hope all is going well with you!
Rebekah
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I dunno, I think you/we got a running start on that junk food while I was still there! LOL You are right though—it’s no fun eating junk food alone. Anyway–you crack me up!! Good thing I love you! : )
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“Hugging his clothes in the closet”…okay, THIS made me tear up. The deodorant sniffing made me smile…and, I must agree, it is NO fun to eat junk alone *sigh*. Love you!
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My husband has never been gone as long as yours has and will, but I admit?
To sniffing his dirty shirts. And maybe even sleeping with them. Not because they were stinky but they smelled like him…like his personal scent and deodorant and just HIM. Yup.
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I do this when my husband goes away on business for even 2 days. :o) It’s a wife thing.
((( you )))
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Hi! I have been reading your blog for a while now but just stared blogging. We had a girl just a couple days before you had your son & I love reading your blogs because She is doing the same things:). I also love my husband’s deodorant better than his cologne:).
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Ashleigh,
I’m glad you are speaking so candidly…atleast you still have your sense of humor. If I were in CA and in the same city as you, I so would come hang out with you and the boys and maybe even eat junk food with you :o) I have prayed for you though. You should hang out with that other mom from church & her children. It sounds like ya’ll both could use another adult around… Still praying,
Kiersten
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Awww, I can relate a little bit. When J was gone to Alaska those three months before our wedding, he left me with one of his shirts that smelled like him and his deodorant… I used to hold it and sleep with it and just sniff it in, even though it seemed to make the ache worse…
::HUGS::
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You still have your sense of humor that’s for sure!! I have you in my prayer cards and I will keep praying for you and your family.
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You CRACK me up!!!!!!!!!!! You are now officially a Military Wife. You sniff his clothes, deoderant and use his shower gel. Yep, you have it down good. Just don’t forget to save his every voice mail and listen to it 1000 times an hour. hee hee. You also might find yourself in about 3 or 4 months going “shopping” for who knows what….a new truck, man toys or whatever….and saying the following: “Um, yes, I am just looking for my husband. He’ll be home in about 8 or 9 months and he really wants to know every detail (about said item) and so I am gathering information – since he can’t access it where he is at – and sending it to him. We are looking for a really good deal….can you help?”
You may find that you become an expert on autos, anything techno and perhaps even sports of that is what he is into. My daughter and I became really good at trucks.
O the whacky life of the military. There is so much more to it than planes, tanks and weapons. :-)
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Oh Ashleigh, you make me laugh! :) It’s quite refreshing.. :)
Aw, my thoughts and prayers are with you. ::hug::
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Ash~
That’s too funny!!! I love you!! You’re the best. Thanks for sharing your sweet, lonely, fun days with us!! :) Love it. Praying and thinking for you!!! Love you so many tons!!!
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Hey Ash,
I can relate–when Josh and I were engaged he was in AL and I was in MN. I loved the smell of his deoderant and cologne! It got me through. Thanks for the laughs–I needed them today :o) Praying for you all.
Sarah
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Aww, very sweet! Back in the day, when Kevin was away on fires (used to be a Hot Shot (wildland firefighter) & went on 2-3 wk assignments, home for a week, and then on another fire), I have to admit to doing some of the same things. I would smell his dirty (not too dirty!) clothes all the time & even wear them around the house. I know it’s a way different circumstance, but it’s good to know that I’m not the only deoderant-sniffing wife out there! lol Hang in there! (P.S. Yes, your post made me both laugh and tear-up at the same time too…)
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I fit in my hubby’s armpits too :) And I am sure if he’s ever deployed I will be sniffing his deodorant daily :) It is a comforting smell on him.
I agree that junk food is best eaten with someone else – if you’re both eating it, and both getting fatter how can you *actually* measure that you’re getting fatter???
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You make me laugh!! We should Hang out some time, it would be fun and our little boys can meet!
Praying for you!
Dani
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;) what you just said reminds me of something very similiar another woman said. Her (now husband) was in the sandy spot for some months. I have to admit I thought it a little odd at first that she was wearing his pj’s! but I understand it now. *hugs*
~Jaclynn
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Hi Ashleigh, just got home and popped in to see how you are doing. You sound lonely to me. Trust me on this, what you are feeling in nothing new, believe or not my wife slept with a pair of dirty socks while I was in Vietnam. Separation is one of those things that soldiers and there spouse have to learn to live with. I hope you are involved in a support group of other young ladies that are home alone. At least you can communicate, in my day we got to an occasional Ham Radio Station, today with the internet you can talk to him real time without the world listening in. I will be stopping by to check on you. If I can help in any way please call on me.
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Jim always smelled good, too.
Somehow, even after a hard day of framing, then a run, even sweaty Jim smelled good to me.
Weird… :-)
Praying for you!!
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I’m glad to see there’s no dent in your humor, Ashleigh. Your beloved will enjoy your posts if he can see them way over there.
Love you, girly!
~Kristi
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lol great post!
When frank left for afghanistan he left me with…the flu. I never got to take him to go, never got to say goodbye. He left advance party, and about 2 weeks later when the rest of his unit left it was on the news. Arianna and I cried and cried because it felt almost like just another training…. except he wasnt coming back this time for a long time.
I washed his clothes ( finally ) about a month after he was gone and saved one green tshirt to stick under my pillow at night. I always associate by smell, my kids too….. (which isnt always a good thing when you have horses and goats on your property!)
what you are doing is normal…. :o)
Ashleigh, you do what you ned to to get through the next few months… you however seem to have a GREAT support system, and not only that you have your mom and dad and Zach and so many back here in your old neck of the woods that would be glad to help…. praying for you.
<><
Jennifer
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You could have called me I would have eaten junk food with you! I cant wait to have our play date’s we are going to have so much fun! There is a lot to do around here!
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Oh, I do know that feeling. Mark’s never been gone for 13 months – but a space is always left behind when our beloveds are away.
Praying for your strength and peace – I’m just so incredibly impressed and moved by your faith.
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Hi there!!
Sniffing your husband’s deodorant sounds so sweet to me. Like reading a Christian romance novel.:)
Praying for you,
Ginger
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Aw. I think it’s sweet that you have a way to keep his “smell” around.
I’m sure if my husband were away for that long, I would be sniffing his deoderant too!
Still praying for you!
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Praying for you dear friend. Lys & my friend, Cassidy has had her husband gone for 13 months. They are counting down the days til he returns in March/April.
She is coming here to visit us in a few weeks for a V-day and 30th birthday diversion! I can’t imagine what it’s like for you all without your man there each night/each day and the smells, sounds, and touchs you miss. May God’s grace sustain you each and every moment, Ashleigh!
love and blessings,
Abby~
And you’re welcome to a trip to Texas for “diversion” as well in the next 13 months! My door is open! I’d love to meet your little adorable boys! Bring Bethany with you too….I’m liking the sound of my idea! :-)
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I just wanted to stop in and say you’re on my prayer list (right inside my reading Bible)- and what a blessing you and your little family are!
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No fair, my face does NOT end up in my husband’s armpits. HAHAHAHA. had to say something there, didn’t I???
I MISS YOU Ash!!! Who would’ve thought, with how little we actually SAW each other, but I had lost you on the web, and you are now found. Catching up, you and your mom both. Tell her hi. I’ll comment to her when I get time!
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If this is true, then it’s really good that you actually said it. On the other hand, I’m sure other people should be hearing about it.
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My friend sent me to your blog for encouragement due my husbands first deployment, and Im so glad this is one of the first posts I read! I thought I was nuts for doing that! Im glad to know Im not a lone! In any of this =) I cant wait to read more from your wonderful blog!
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Just found this post – love it!!!!
It does sound like and christian romance novel. All of your posts do though!! So beautiful!!!
My aunt still does this – my uncle died two months ago – so suddenly – he was 31 – she will smell his cologne and cry – but it is just a part of him.
I have always felt this way – and agree with everything you said – but it never was so real till my uncle died. that made death, and separation, and missing so REAL! TOO real.
It is not easy.
but he will be home!! soon!!!
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