Since Troy was sick with the croup last week, we were following the doctor’s (and the internet’s) suggestion of having him sleep in our room. We set up his porta-crib next to our bed and made sure the humidifier was blowing mountains of steam right in his direction. The week still produced more sleepless nights than we’ve had in quite a while. A couple times Troy ended up “in the middle” in our bed for at least a few hours… and though he seemed to crash out pretty quickly that way, his mama sure didn’t have any such luck. Little wiggly sleepers seem to have as much ability to keep parents awake as a newborn.
Several times during the night last week, I found myself awake for a while, watching Troy sleep and his daddy try to catch a few winks beside him. I would cuddle Troy closer, remembering all the nights–the majority of his first year of life–when that was just his spot for at least half of each night, cuddled next to Mommy and Daddy. These days, we all sleep much better when he’s in his own bed, but the memory of those snuggly nights will always be something I treasure.
As I thought back over Troy’s little life, I pondered what we were doing this time last year. Then I remembered this post I wrote (published on the old blog) almost exactly a year ago.
Yesterday at my parents’ house, Troy was being very “talkie” and so his Grammie took the opportunity to try to get him to say “Mama.” He was staring very intently at her lips as she repeated it over and over, exaggerating the two syllables. Soon he was copying her, and this five and a half month old Little Boy has hardly stopped saying it since. All morning I’ve been hearing “Maaaa Maaaa, Ma mAAAA, Maaama…” Of course, I know that he does not really understand what his saying Mama means, but it still melts my little heart!
Sometimes the reality of the fact that I am this baby’s Mama stares me in the face and completely overwhelms me. He looks at me with such baby-love and trust, believing that I will care for him, love him and guide him.
He doesn’t know my weaknesses or my fear of incompetance. He doesn’t know that his Mama is young and is sure that others are watching her wondering if she’ll be up to the task of raising him with his Daddy. He just knows that this is the person who loves him, feeds him, cares for him, holds him when he cries and blows the tears away.
I know the truth, though. I know that this is an unbelievable responsibility God has given us. He has entrusted to us His little person and expects us to be
good stewards with what He’s given us, not only in caring for him physically, but spiritually–leading him to Jesus. The enormity of it frightens me. It reminds me of how desperate I am for the strength of the Lord in this life long endeavor. In giving us this baby, God has given us the greatest means of drawing us closer to Himself. We see now, more than ever, how weak we are and how great God is. My baby… my blessing… It is all summed up when I hear his tiny little voice learning to mouth the word I’ve longed to hear.“Mama.”
Just remembering… where we were in the beginning…
And where we are now…
And how much farther we have to go…
ETA: I think an apology is in order for the size all these pictures are coming up if you view entire entries on Bloglines… I didn’t realize that, and I’m guessing the problem is that in the Blogger to Bloglines transfer, the size selection from Blogger doesn’t mean anything to Bloglines. I’ll work on that in the future, peeps.
What a sweet, sweet post! Thanks for sharing!
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That is sweet;thanks for sharing it. I am sorry your little man has been so sick! I hope your days are much better this week.
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I love these pics and the narrative that goes with them…perfect!
Talk to your doctor (because I’m not one!) but for that croupy cough, I’ve always, always, always had success with a cool-mist vaporizer with a generous splash of tea-tree oil in the water (available at health food store). Hope he’s better soon and you can get some rest. :)
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How beautiful! It’s nice to remember how much they grow and change.
ps – praying for your grandma and your family
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I am so sorry about Troy’s sickies :( Praying you get some rest!! You are so beautiful my friend, inside and out. I will pray for your Grammie…love Heather
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What a beautiful post, it brought tears to my eyes!!! Mommyhood is amazing!!
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Reading this made me want to cry . . . in a good way. :) Motherhood is so precious, and so are the children God graciously gives us. It also made me wonder where I’ll be in a year . . . thanks for sharing!!
–Nicole
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I remember this post, actually – I think it was one of the first ones I’d read. (another one was about Troy teething)
Thanks for sharing your heart – it IS overwhelming to think what a gift and what a JOB the Lord gives us in children – and I’ve been praying since I saw “two lines” that God would prepare me for the task.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
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Aww.. how sweet.
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Wow in the first picture its so hard to belive he was so small. Even though i call him my little Troy man hes a “big boy” now. In the second picture so funny for me (of all people) to point this out but it looks like you went to the beach just like troy. With now top on. Ha Ha what are cousins for but to tease the little cousins!!!
Love you!
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Aww … adorable! You know I was just thinking the other day that Troy has grown and changed SO MUCH since I first read your blog, over a year ago. I mean, when I first read your blog, your profile picture was the first one you’ve posted here … and now! :-> It’s such a blessing to read some of your thoughts of motherhood … although it makes me anticipate it even more, it also gives me an idea of what my friends who are already wives and mothers think! Thank you!
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